MessyJessyCreatesArt

Confusing, Heart-wrenching.... Amazing???? Necessary to live and be alive. To be a person, to be human. To be vulnerable is to blindly trust. To connect, to love. To be naked. Necessary evil.  Not evil. Cannot numb, shield, or run. I have a shield but should not use it. A test. False. Coping mechanism. To disconnect is my default. To disconnect is to give up on life. Hurts to be vulnerable. But necessary to life. Working on it- slowly. New to me. Who to trust? Who deserves my trust?  My vulnerability? My marbles jar.... put some in and take some out. Never smash the jar...... unless...... Choose to be vulnerable. Choose to live, to be alive, to be human. Trust.  Vulnerability.  Connection.  Love. Blind and Naked. Put marbles in the jar. EARN IT!!!!

The past week I have been reading a wonderful book by Brene Brown called "Daring Greatly:  How Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead". http://www.brenebrown.com/ It is a most wonderful book that I highly recommend and is available for the Kindle :-) The basic idea of the book is that people are hard-wired for connection... it's why we are here on the planet.  Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.  It is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.  But, it is a necessary part of being human, being alive.  Without these connections and vulnerability, we become disconnected and this leads to depression and suicide and destructive behaviors.  We use this strategy (at least I know that I do) to keep from being too vulnerable..... Keep everyone at a safe distance and always have an exit strategy. In order to be more connected and vulnerable, based on extensive research, she ...

This Lifebook 2013 Lesson was one in which I was in need of (thank you Tamara LaPorte xoxox) I think that most people chose a lesser issue to practice with and as a piece of public artwork.  However, I had already done much of the internal work for this and was ready to move on and let it out! Tam uses "Non-violent Communication" or "Compassionate Communication" in this lesson..... so, here goes the process First comes Self-Empathy.... Observation- Cause of distress is failed marriage/relationship I know all of the why's and how's of this.... spent the past two years on this so identifying the cause of my distress was the easy part. My Feeling- hurt, betrayed, enraged, depressed, disappointed, exhausted, worn out, embarrassed, ashamed, hate, animosity My Needs-  understanding, shelter, love, connection, safety, stability, harmony, peace, honesty, authenticity, joy, communication, closeness, security, TRUST My Requests- to take time for my...

"The Root of My Evil" "The Thorn in My Side" "The Bane of My Existence" Whichever of these titles fits..... take your pick. I have recently, this past week, attempted to do two things.... Effy's Lesson in Lifebook 2013 about Heart Sight/ Heart Light and the "Inner Excavation" chapter 6 "I Open My Heart".  Now for those of you familiar with my art it is mostly cheerful and happy.  However, if I could pinpoint one issue that I have, it would be this. Somethings I have come to understand about myself more in depth over the past week: 1.  I feel like I cannot share my heart and soul with anyone. 2.  This is due to trust issues. 3.  I feel like I shall burst open if I cannot do this. 4.  I feel like no one loves me even though I know my family does. 5.  This is of my own doing. To think of trusting someone with my heart, body, and soul brings tears to my eyes and invokes a panic attack.  I know that I want this, need this,...